I need a break

    I really need  a whole of fresh new air. I can't wait to go to university. I can't wait to leave home, leave all the pain behind. I  wanna runaway to a place where love is unconditional. I am dying inside. The pain and words and curse. I feel like an unwanted child. I feel jealous looking at my cousins. They seems to get more love, attention and care from her. I wanna just take a few pills and die. It feels so pain deep down. All those harsh words. I told God, I never gonna believe in him anymore. I lost every single faith. At time like this, where is He? Didn't he hear my prayers. I felt like someone is chocking my throat. It felt like thousands of swords just pierced into the heart. Everything is just so dead to me. I feel so lifeless. I just wanna runaway from here. To somewhere I belong. 

I hope

   I never that sort of relationship I have always wanted. The sort of close friend, like a sister, where I can tell everything to her. All I ever wanted is for her to understand me. Sometimes, you think you are always right. Have you ever taught about my feelings or what I really want? I feel you care more about those niece and nephew more than you do towards me. Each time I tell you something, before I could finish the story, you have made Ur own assumptions. Sometimes all I need is just a hug , and lots of love. Sometimes I make mistakes yes I do , and I get irritated fast, but you never seems to understand . I would be closer to my friends of course. Because they understands me more. I can tell them anything. I wish you are theming I can express everything too. Is it so hard to understand me. And do you have to be so harsh all the time. I hate all this revenge and hatred and all this bloody family dramas. I don't wanna grow up hating people or thinking too much. All that matter to me is a real family. It's so hurting, at one point when someone you cherish so much fails to put in effort to und you. I grow so much scared that I hardly help the old one. Because of the mouth. Now the relationship between me and the old one has been shaky. 

Everything is Wrong.

   I am living in a society where fat/plus size/ overweight etc people are sins. People stares at us like we are some ruined experiment done by God. We are look down upon, laugh upon, hated upon all because we are different. We are called ugly, disgusting, pig, lazy, just to name a few. Society don't treat us like human. To society, being size 0, walking down town like some ultra skinny skeleton is beauty. Looking like some zombie from God knows where is beauty and healthy. If we put on 1 kg people freak out! Whose gonna marry you! You look so ugly! What are you eating! Look at you! You gonna die fast! Don't you care about yourself?! Those are some of the questions we encounter. The question is, do skinny people are that healthy? Just because we are fat, it doesn't mean society has the rights to mock us to our lowest level. You think just because out heart is covered by extra fats we have no feelings? We are your experimental toy? Didn't God created fat people and thin people together? Yes we have lower metabolism rates but that doesn't mean we are not God's child. Then people will tell us to loose some weight, right, we will do it because we wanna stay healthy! But there goes some family member who doesn't encourage but mock you, bringing you so down that we literally loose our self esteems. 'I wish to see you thin' is what you can hear. But instead of saying ' don't give up, jog! You can do it!' Family will be saying ' you are so lazy! Fat and lazy! So ugly! So embarrass to bring you out' and how on this bloody earth you are saying that you are helping us to lead a healthier life. Society claims that they are always right! But the matter of fact, you guys are the worst. Just because a fat girl has a thin husband, society will spread lovely gossips. Society  itself doesn't know how accept people for who they are. They rather go for physical. Just because we are fat it doesn't mean that we are lazy, dumb or blind or even deaf to hear and see how people talk or stare at us. Look we love dressing up too. We will wear clothes that we like, some may not like it, some may like it. But who is society to judge us. We are not walking naked. We are being bold and brave to wear something that gives us confidence to walk with our heads high up. We are not wearing those tiny  cut off here and there clothes. We wear something cover up. If whatever we wear is wrong, society, you tell what should we wear? We are after all human. We may be different, but we have what skinny people have. We have a pair of lungs, a pair of eyes, ears, nose etc. we are who we are. 

A Comeback.

Hello. Puff. It's an old blog. It's rusty already. So ya, my blog is a space where I express my heartbreak, my sad emo life, whatsoever! Haha. Yes I was still an immatured teenager back than. So I have this sudden urge to write out why my school life sucks and yes, it will be an outspoken one. I am sure many of us have gone through hell of a time at school thanks to the constitution itself and etc. once am done listing why my school sucks, maybe I would write things about life that I observe and stuff. Tull than, I shall begin tmr 👌