I need a break

    I really need  a whole of fresh new air. I can't wait to go to university. I can't wait to leave home, leave all the pain behind. I  wanna runaway to a place where love is unconditional. I am dying inside. The pain and words and curse. I feel like an unwanted child. I feel jealous looking at my cousins. They seems to get more love, attention and care from her. I wanna just take a few pills and die. It feels so pain deep down. All those harsh words. I told God, I never gonna believe in him anymore. I lost every single faith. At time like this, where is He? Didn't he hear my prayers. I felt like someone is chocking my throat. It felt like thousands of swords just pierced into the heart. Everything is just so dead to me. I feel so lifeless. I just wanna runaway from here. To somewhere I belong. 

I hope

   I never that sort of relationship I have always wanted. The sort of close friend, like a sister, where I can tell everything to her. All I ever wanted is for her to understand me. Sometimes, you think you are always right. Have you ever taught about my feelings or what I really want? I feel you care more about those niece and nephew more than you do towards me. Each time I tell you something, before I could finish the story, you have made Ur own assumptions. Sometimes all I need is just a hug , and lots of love. Sometimes I make mistakes yes I do , and I get irritated fast, but you never seems to understand . I would be closer to my friends of course. Because they understands me more. I can tell them anything. I wish you are theming I can express everything too. Is it so hard to understand me. And do you have to be so harsh all the time. I hate all this revenge and hatred and all this bloody family dramas. I don't wanna grow up hating people or thinking too much. All that matter to me is a real family. It's so hurting, at one point when someone you cherish so much fails to put in effort to und you. I grow so much scared that I hardly help the old one. Because of the mouth. Now the relationship between me and the old one has been shaky. 

Everything is Wrong.

   I am living in a society where fat/plus size/ overweight etc people are sins. People stares at us like we are some ruined experiment done by God. We are look down upon, laugh upon, hated upon all because we are different. We are called ugly, disgusting, pig, lazy, just to name a few. Society don't treat us like human. To society, being size 0, walking down town like some ultra skinny skeleton is beauty. Looking like some zombie from God knows where is beauty and healthy. If we put on 1 kg people freak out! Whose gonna marry you! You look so ugly! What are you eating! Look at you! You gonna die fast! Don't you care about yourself?! Those are some of the questions we encounter. The question is, do skinny people are that healthy? Just because we are fat, it doesn't mean society has the rights to mock us to our lowest level. You think just because out heart is covered by extra fats we have no feelings? We are your experimental toy? Didn't God created fat people and thin people together? Yes we have lower metabolism rates but that doesn't mean we are not God's child. Then people will tell us to loose some weight, right, we will do it because we wanna stay healthy! But there goes some family member who doesn't encourage but mock you, bringing you so down that we literally loose our self esteems. 'I wish to see you thin' is what you can hear. But instead of saying ' don't give up, jog! You can do it!' Family will be saying ' you are so lazy! Fat and lazy! So ugly! So embarrass to bring you out' and how on this bloody earth you are saying that you are helping us to lead a healthier life. Society claims that they are always right! But the matter of fact, you guys are the worst. Just because a fat girl has a thin husband, society will spread lovely gossips. Society  itself doesn't know how accept people for who they are. They rather go for physical. Just because we are fat it doesn't mean that we are lazy, dumb or blind or even deaf to hear and see how people talk or stare at us. Look we love dressing up too. We will wear clothes that we like, some may not like it, some may like it. But who is society to judge us. We are not walking naked. We are being bold and brave to wear something that gives us confidence to walk with our heads high up. We are not wearing those tiny  cut off here and there clothes. We wear something cover up. If whatever we wear is wrong, society, you tell what should we wear? We are after all human. We may be different, but we have what skinny people have. We have a pair of lungs, a pair of eyes, ears, nose etc. we are who we are. 

A Comeback.

Hello. Puff. It's an old blog. It's rusty already. So ya, my blog is a space where I express my heartbreak, my sad emo life, whatsoever! Haha. Yes I was still an immatured teenager back than. So I have this sudden urge to write out why my school life sucks and yes, it will be an outspoken one. I am sure many of us have gone through hell of a time at school thanks to the constitution itself and etc. once am done listing why my school sucks, maybe I would write things about life that I observe and stuff. Tull than, I shall begin tmr 👌

A trend or a joke?

        The number of attention seekers Indians are rising even faster than the speed of light. And when I say that I mean it. I don't get it at all. It seems like a trend to inform people that 'Hye I'm gonna suicide'. 'This will be my last day of me on Facebook' And there goes the part where they say 'This will be my last status'. After stating that, HAHA the same person updates more status saying that they are gonna die. Well I think people understands that. You don't have to update a status that you're going to take away your own life. The question is why are they using suicide as a way to grab attention. Where is your  BRAIN my dear ? Teenagers nowadays are really narrow minded. A fight with lover, a fight with friend, and there goes statuses after statuses about them going to end their life. What benefit will you even get by seeking attention? What your lover going to come back to you? Or your problem will disappear like magic? I guess if every single stupid human being decides to end their life by committing suicide because they cant take or handle small problems, then 99% of the world population will be gone by now. -.- Don't they know for every problem there is a way. And for every bad thing there is a light after that? OH GOD. Why can't you think of your family ? I mean suicide is never a solution. If there is a problem, turn to your family and not suicide. Think about it. Life and death is not in your hand.  

L.O.V.E

Love ? What is love ? Someone was asking me just now what is love well, honestly, I  don't know . It may be something painful. Something beautiful. No one knows. It may last a second. A minute. An hour. A day. A week. A year. It goes on. Love is indeed a mystery that needs to be unfold and told. Wait a minute, *facepalm. 🙀 Look at me, trying to be a philosopher. Lol. Definitely an unsuccessful one of course. Screw it, today I shall talk and act like a philosopher or maybe a love guru (oh well, none of my advices on love actually works) 😉 So gyeah, speaking of love ? Love means happiness. Happiness within you would create love, that love will create life, that life will spread the love. Okay, I really need to stop acting like a philosopher . Because I do suck at it extremely. 💁💁 anyways, to those who wanted love tips, dude, BE YOURSELF. Don't ever. I mean it. DONT EVER EVER CHANGE FOR YOUR PARTNER just to please him or her 😊 Oh trust me , previously, I acted sane and  quiet to please him and his dear bro because I wanted him to be proud of me. But believe it or not ? I was never happy with him or the relationship. And today I am me with everyone. I find people who are true to me, love the mad for me and  I have never been any happier or blessed than today. Just be yourself. After all, love us all about the real you, the truth and loving a person for who they are in the inside and not the outside ❤️❤️😘 spread the love 😊😊 

❤️

As I was about to close my eyes, doozie off to dreamland, I just couldn't sleep. There I am on my bed , all snuggle up, with one big smile on my face. ☺️ Thank God for this most beautiful live. When they say everything happens for a reason, believe me, it's more than true. 😉 Life hasn't been good the past two years, oh black memories I wouldn't want to remember. 😔 But somehow, it did happened for a reason right ? God knew I wouldn't be happy then, he showed me the worst and look here I am typing my story. I could be a writer, but perhaps my books will not be sold. 😉 So who changed my life ? Brought back that joy and happiness ? Yes, my family and really close friends. But here's the thing, there is indeed One  very special person, you know who you are if you are reading this ?  😊 I never expected that today I would be smiling again, laughing again, believe and have faith in love and guys again. You are definitely my strength and my happiness. You showed me light when I was given darkness. How I wished I had a man like you then and now and future😊 Haha I have never met such an understanding and dumb guy like you 😁 Thank you for putting on a smile on my face every single day without fail 😄 thank you for accepting me for who I am. Thank you for giving me your Indian timing 😘 thank you for choosing me as your master. And thank you for loving me now and then . 😊😊 I am just blessed. You are indeed my most precious gift. I love you with every bits of my heart ❤️💛💙💜💚❤️         

You.

      It all begin in 2010, when we started chatting with each other. I never knew we would grow so close to each other. I remember we started chatting so much after I failed my JPA so did you. Haha. That's where it all grew right? I never expected that we will be closer than what I expected. I guess what they say is true, 'only two person who undergo the same pain will understand each other'. Right. Haha. You do know what I mean kan? Or you too dumb to faham? xD

                                                      Jayamunishwara xD AHAHAHAHA .

   Babi, dont take revenge over here. This pic damn funny, makes me laugh everytime I see. You are truly a gift darling. You were there with me when I couple with him. & you were always there for me when we broke up. You never even leave me once. Haha, I know how annoyingly emo I was that time, but Thank God, I realize I was really stupid back then, all this is over & I know you are truly a gentleman & I am glad I replies you 'hi' 4 years ago.

    Somehow I feel so compatible with you, I can just simply start a topic with you, and we can talk and talk for hours. It's like I found someone who is like me, sometimes I see you in me. Right, with you, I feel super comfortable, I feel so easy to talk to you my problems, my 'lame' jokes according to you, idk, it's crazy how someone so strange can make you feel so safe. I can insult you without even feeling guilty. With you, Muni, I can be myself, I just feel comfortable with who I am when I'm with you. I dont have to be someone I am not when with you. That's how super comfortable I am with you :)

      You can be very very very irritatingly annoying. Eishhh, everytime ask me to go & die. Idiot, I told you, I wont leave you, how to die & leave you all alone ? xD Gyeaahh. And you can be freaking dumb xD Why on earth you cant just puji me for even once. So hard is it? Hahaha, soo how many times I am so nice to you :O Tak kenang budi punya babi. And thanks to you, now I am addicted to Bewafa. Seriously you one idiot. Hahaha. The best part bout you is, you're damn shit funny. I can laugh so hard non-stop. You crazy ideas & jokes. My God. Hahaha, sanggup you pour oil on the floor so that I can fall & touch your feet? Where did you even get such ideas?

      Despite your annoying-ness, you have that fatherly figure in you. You never look at people's status or whatever shit. That's so nice of you. You really love those people around you, but never me. Haha. The more I know you, the more I will say, your future wife is very lucky to have a guy like you. You definitely will make her the happiest person in the world I can say. & Not lying :) And of course pls pls dont ever teach your kids anything. Haha.

      Gaaaahhh, I feel so lucky to have you in my life. You're honestly damn priceless & I love you so much Muni. I dont have a dream guy, but I would say if I ever want a guy, I would definitely want a guys like you. Coz I know, I'll be happy always by your side. Ithu saatiyam, haha. But then, it's hard to find someone like you. You're just different & special :) Love you Muni. <3