I need a break

    I really need  a whole of fresh new air. I can't wait to go to university. I can't wait to leave home, leave all the pain behind. I  wanna runaway to a place where love is unconditional. I am dying inside. The pain and words and curse. I feel like an unwanted child. I feel jealous looking at my cousins. They seems to get more love, attention and care from her. I wanna just take a few pills and die. It feels so pain deep down. All those harsh words. I told God, I never gonna believe in him anymore. I lost every single faith. At time like this, where is He? Didn't he hear my prayers. I felt like someone is chocking my throat. It felt like thousands of swords just pierced into the heart. Everything is just so dead to me. I feel so lifeless. I just wanna runaway from here. To somewhere I belong. 

I hope

   I never that sort of relationship I have always wanted. The sort of close friend, like a sister, where I can tell everything to her. All I ever wanted is for her to understand me. Sometimes, you think you are always right. Have you ever taught about my feelings or what I really want? I feel you care more about those niece and nephew more than you do towards me. Each time I tell you something, before I could finish the story, you have made Ur own assumptions. Sometimes all I need is just a hug , and lots of love. Sometimes I make mistakes yes I do , and I get irritated fast, but you never seems to understand . I would be closer to my friends of course. Because they understands me more. I can tell them anything. I wish you are theming I can express everything too. Is it so hard to understand me. And do you have to be so harsh all the time. I hate all this revenge and hatred and all this bloody family dramas. I don't wanna grow up hating people or thinking too much. All that matter to me is a real family. It's so hurting, at one point when someone you cherish so much fails to put in effort to und you. I grow so much scared that I hardly help the old one. Because of the mouth. Now the relationship between me and the old one has been shaky. 

Everything is Wrong.

   I am living in a society where fat/plus size/ overweight etc people are sins. People stares at us like we are some ruined experiment done by God. We are look down upon, laugh upon, hated upon all because we are different. We are called ugly, disgusting, pig, lazy, just to name a few. Society don't treat us like human. To society, being size 0, walking down town like some ultra skinny skeleton is beauty. Looking like some zombie from God knows where is beauty and healthy. If we put on 1 kg people freak out! Whose gonna marry you! You look so ugly! What are you eating! Look at you! You gonna die fast! Don't you care about yourself?! Those are some of the questions we encounter. The question is, do skinny people are that healthy? Just because we are fat, it doesn't mean society has the rights to mock us to our lowest level. You think just because out heart is covered by extra fats we have no feelings? We are your experimental toy? Didn't God created fat people and thin people together? Yes we have lower metabolism rates but that doesn't mean we are not God's child. Then people will tell us to loose some weight, right, we will do it because we wanna stay healthy! But there goes some family member who doesn't encourage but mock you, bringing you so down that we literally loose our self esteems. 'I wish to see you thin' is what you can hear. But instead of saying ' don't give up, jog! You can do it!' Family will be saying ' you are so lazy! Fat and lazy! So ugly! So embarrass to bring you out' and how on this bloody earth you are saying that you are helping us to lead a healthier life. Society claims that they are always right! But the matter of fact, you guys are the worst. Just because a fat girl has a thin husband, society will spread lovely gossips. Society  itself doesn't know how accept people for who they are. They rather go for physical. Just because we are fat it doesn't mean that we are lazy, dumb or blind or even deaf to hear and see how people talk or stare at us. Look we love dressing up too. We will wear clothes that we like, some may not like it, some may like it. But who is society to judge us. We are not walking naked. We are being bold and brave to wear something that gives us confidence to walk with our heads high up. We are not wearing those tiny  cut off here and there clothes. We wear something cover up. If whatever we wear is wrong, society, you tell what should we wear? We are after all human. We may be different, but we have what skinny people have. We have a pair of lungs, a pair of eyes, ears, nose etc. we are who we are. 

A Comeback.

Hello. Puff. It's an old blog. It's rusty already. So ya, my blog is a space where I express my heartbreak, my sad emo life, whatsoever! Haha. Yes I was still an immatured teenager back than. So I have this sudden urge to write out why my school life sucks and yes, it will be an outspoken one. I am sure many of us have gone through hell of a time at school thanks to the constitution itself and etc. once am done listing why my school sucks, maybe I would write things about life that I observe and stuff. Tull than, I shall begin tmr 👌

A trend or a joke?

        The number of attention seekers Indians are rising even faster than the speed of light. And when I say that I mean it. I don't get it at all. It seems like a trend to inform people that 'Hye I'm gonna suicide'. 'This will be my last day of me on Facebook' And there goes the part where they say 'This will be my last status'. After stating that, HAHA the same person updates more status saying that they are gonna die. Well I think people understands that. You don't have to update a status that you're going to take away your own life. The question is why are they using suicide as a way to grab attention. Where is your  BRAIN my dear ? Teenagers nowadays are really narrow minded. A fight with lover, a fight with friend, and there goes statuses after statuses about them going to end their life. What benefit will you even get by seeking attention? What your lover going to come back to you? Or your problem will disappear like magic? I guess if every single stupid human being decides to end their life by committing suicide because they cant take or handle small problems, then 99% of the world population will be gone by now. -.- Don't they know for every problem there is a way. And for every bad thing there is a light after that? OH GOD. Why can't you think of your family ? I mean suicide is never a solution. If there is a problem, turn to your family and not suicide. Think about it. Life and death is not in your hand.  

L.O.V.E

Love ? What is love ? Someone was asking me just now what is love well, honestly, I  don't know . It may be something painful. Something beautiful. No one knows. It may last a second. A minute. An hour. A day. A week. A year. It goes on. Love is indeed a mystery that needs to be unfold and told. Wait a minute, *facepalm. 🙀 Look at me, trying to be a philosopher. Lol. Definitely an unsuccessful one of course. Screw it, today I shall talk and act like a philosopher or maybe a love guru (oh well, none of my advices on love actually works) 😉 So gyeah, speaking of love ? Love means happiness. Happiness within you would create love, that love will create life, that life will spread the love. Okay, I really need to stop acting like a philosopher . Because I do suck at it extremely. 💁💁 anyways, to those who wanted love tips, dude, BE YOURSELF. Don't ever. I mean it. DONT EVER EVER CHANGE FOR YOUR PARTNER just to please him or her 😊 Oh trust me , previously, I acted sane and  quiet to please him and his dear bro because I wanted him to be proud of me. But believe it or not ? I was never happy with him or the relationship. And today I am me with everyone. I find people who are true to me, love the mad for me and  I have never been any happier or blessed than today. Just be yourself. After all, love us all about the real you, the truth and loving a person for who they are in the inside and not the outside ❤️❤️😘 spread the love 😊😊 

❤️

As I was about to close my eyes, doozie off to dreamland, I just couldn't sleep. There I am on my bed , all snuggle up, with one big smile on my face. ☺️ Thank God for this most beautiful live. When they say everything happens for a reason, believe me, it's more than true. 😉 Life hasn't been good the past two years, oh black memories I wouldn't want to remember. 😔 But somehow, it did happened for a reason right ? God knew I wouldn't be happy then, he showed me the worst and look here I am typing my story. I could be a writer, but perhaps my books will not be sold. 😉 So who changed my life ? Brought back that joy and happiness ? Yes, my family and really close friends. But here's the thing, there is indeed One  very special person, you know who you are if you are reading this ?  😊 I never expected that today I would be smiling again, laughing again, believe and have faith in love and guys again. You are definitely my strength and my happiness. You showed me light when I was given darkness. How I wished I had a man like you then and now and future😊 Haha I have never met such an understanding and dumb guy like you 😁 Thank you for putting on a smile on my face every single day without fail 😄 thank you for accepting me for who I am. Thank you for giving me your Indian timing 😘 thank you for choosing me as your master. And thank you for loving me now and then . 😊😊 I am just blessed. You are indeed my most precious gift. I love you with every bits of my heart ❤️💛💙💜💚❤️         

You.

      It all begin in 2010, when we started chatting with each other. I never knew we would grow so close to each other. I remember we started chatting so much after I failed my JPA so did you. Haha. That's where it all grew right? I never expected that we will be closer than what I expected. I guess what they say is true, 'only two person who undergo the same pain will understand each other'. Right. Haha. You do know what I mean kan? Or you too dumb to faham? xD

                                                      Jayamunishwara xD AHAHAHAHA .

   Babi, dont take revenge over here. This pic damn funny, makes me laugh everytime I see. You are truly a gift darling. You were there with me when I couple with him. & you were always there for me when we broke up. You never even leave me once. Haha, I know how annoyingly emo I was that time, but Thank God, I realize I was really stupid back then, all this is over & I know you are truly a gentleman & I am glad I replies you 'hi' 4 years ago.

    Somehow I feel so compatible with you, I can just simply start a topic with you, and we can talk and talk for hours. It's like I found someone who is like me, sometimes I see you in me. Right, with you, I feel super comfortable, I feel so easy to talk to you my problems, my 'lame' jokes according to you, idk, it's crazy how someone so strange can make you feel so safe. I can insult you without even feeling guilty. With you, Muni, I can be myself, I just feel comfortable with who I am when I'm with you. I dont have to be someone I am not when with you. That's how super comfortable I am with you :)

      You can be very very very irritatingly annoying. Eishhh, everytime ask me to go & die. Idiot, I told you, I wont leave you, how to die & leave you all alone ? xD Gyeaahh. And you can be freaking dumb xD Why on earth you cant just puji me for even once. So hard is it? Hahaha, soo how many times I am so nice to you :O Tak kenang budi punya babi. And thanks to you, now I am addicted to Bewafa. Seriously you one idiot. Hahaha. The best part bout you is, you're damn shit funny. I can laugh so hard non-stop. You crazy ideas & jokes. My God. Hahaha, sanggup you pour oil on the floor so that I can fall & touch your feet? Where did you even get such ideas?

      Despite your annoying-ness, you have that fatherly figure in you. You never look at people's status or whatever shit. That's so nice of you. You really love those people around you, but never me. Haha. The more I know you, the more I will say, your future wife is very lucky to have a guy like you. You definitely will make her the happiest person in the world I can say. & Not lying :) And of course pls pls dont ever teach your kids anything. Haha.

      Gaaaahhh, I feel so lucky to have you in my life. You're honestly damn priceless & I love you so much Muni. I dont have a dream guy, but I would say if I ever want a guy, I would definitely want a guys like you. Coz I know, I'll be happy always by your side. Ithu saatiyam, haha. But then, it's hard to find someone like you. You're just different & special :) Love you Muni. <3

   

FROZEN

     

   After a whole tiring day with the kids, we went to AEON JUSCO, GSC for a movie. We wanted to catch Carrie, or perhaps The Hunger Game, but sadly those movie are not available at that time. Last choice FROZEN, and I swear, I did not even regret a single bit.

  It's opening is so adorable. How the sisters played with magical snow which, Elsa (the blondie) has. Somehow, she struck her magic on her sister's head, and poof, she shut herself from the world till her parents passed away.

   

  Anna,she is crazy but so adorable. Sort of happy-go-lucky. She made her sister angry over her 'engagement' and poof her sister anger made the whole Andrella into ice cold winter.

Anna ran into the Snow Mountain, and I really love this scene. She build her very own snow castle, and gosh it's magnificent!Then she transform her dress into something so elegant, God knows, she is smoking hot. I was like you know, in love withe her.

 

  And then it's all bla bla bla bla xD HAHA, but what I really love about this movie is OLAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

OLAF is just so adorable to the max. He is the stupidest snow man I ever knew. HAHA, imagine, Olaf dream of having summer and he loves summer. He never knew he would melt in it. And when he had his summer, he started to melt and Elsa gave him his own snow cloud. But Olaf is really amusing, he make me laugh my ass out. He is OMG xD

  The songs in this cartoon is very good and nice <3 Still stuck in my head!!!

  But what makes this movie so special is that, it defines TRUE LOVE differently. Yes to most of us, true love and true love kiss is the greatest magical thing in the world. But in Frozen, true is beyond that. Love for your family, your sister that is true love. And this is like a wake up call for me. Yes, my true love is my family. That's the most beautiful love I ever knew. And thank you God for that (: 

  

A true lost to the world.

             I was googling some news and I was so shocked to learn that the great leader, Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela,has passed away yesterday. This is something really sad. I wasn't really a great big fan of him, honestly, but I've always loved to hear his quotes and read about him. I have his Biography book and each and every line he says in the book has a great meaning that he wants the world to acknowledge.

                                             

         What really inspired me about him is that, how he fought for his country's freedom. He has been into the prison in and out for years and worst of all isolated to Robben Island, prison. 

                                                         

       But once he was freed, the prison warden asked him, 'Sir, what is your utmost desire?', he says, 'I want to meet people'. He proves to us, that no man is an island and he needs his people to fight for what is right. He was a man of no fear. 

                                     

        This quotes is so strong and deep. It's true, education is indeed the key for freedom. Freedom to a world where critical thinking are applied. A soldier need his weapons to protect us from harm. A cook need his cooking utensils to feed us. A mother needs a lot of patience and love to go through each obstacles. A writer needs his pen to share his knowledge and each human race needs education to shape the world into a better place. Indeed, without the weapon, nothing can be changed! Have you ever imagine a world without education? Back to the black days? Where people are more of barbaric in a sense that, girls are considered bad luck, guys dominate the world &etc. It's creepy as it seems. 

                                                    

   

                                                  

            This is my favorite quote of all time. Each time I'm done because I know how much 'some' people hate me for no reasons, I will always read this quote over and over again. It somehow give a rise in my weak spirit. I will think positive. If 'she' can hate me, she can learn to love me too. It also gave me the will to face her. Sometimes, when a person hates you, it's just so obvious in their facial expression, but somehow, thanks to this quote, I learn how to face her. And I'm happy (: 

               It's truly a great loss. He is a good leader that has  shared thoughts that are true and compassionate. #RIPNELSONMANDELA. 

Charlie Chaplin final speech in The Great Dictator

          Listen to this speech and think back how hatred has conjured us, each and every man. How machines has rule our lives. How we enslave ourselves to the dead. We are no longer as united as we are, we are weaker. Those bonds are breaking up due to hatred and machines, human shall unite work together, learn to love and build a world we want our  next generations to live in. We don't want a world that we have to live in fear due to our own destruction. Man can create, man can destroy too. Let peace and love circles the world let peace be with us, let race prejudice dies as we all unite to be 1. We belong to the same planet, the human race shall live irrespective of creed, colour, religion & believes. Because, NO MAN IS AN ISLAND. Everyone is born to love and care. Stop cruelty, fight for freedom. Freedom to love & care. 

Arogance

     

              ARROGANT

 ARROGANCE

     

 SELF-PRIDE

 

  SELF-PRAISE

     Good Morning. It's been ages since I brush up my blog. LOL, thank God, school is over, I'm free. Today morning, it was a chilly morning, mum was doing her gardening, I was literally jogging & bro was playing his ball & ironically we came up with a topic that caught my attention. ARROGANCE. Yes,  a human nature that can either bring goods or "slow death"

“Arrogance is a creature. It does not have senses.

It has only a sharp tongue and the pointing finger.” 

― Toba Beta

   It's obviously fine, to be  arrogant of good use. We have great leaders who are arrogant in defending our pride but yet to a certain limit. Sticking your nose high up gain nothing but critical comments that will tarnish our name. 

         OH LOL, I know a few people who are so stuck up & arrogant that they actually look silly in reality. Come on, remove that hideous mask. It ain't make you beautiful. If you decide to argue with a person, MAKE FULL USE of your tiny brain in your cerebral. Don't waste God's gift. It's silly how arrogant people argue praising themselves without knowing the DAMN TRUTH about themselves. Funny eyh? It's fine to loose sometimes, you can't be winning all the time. Life is a circle, what goes up, must come down!

           

            Sometimes, when we are at our loose end, we usually blame our fate or luck or most probably someone we love. I do that, used too. Till I learn to see my own mistakes. That shows how arrogant we are in reality.There's always arrogance in us making us attacking the weaker inner-self of us.

           We decide our own fate. To be arrogant isn't something to be proud of. Honestly, speaking I was arrogant once when it comes to love, I didn't want to give in at all. So it ended up rather tragic, worst than I could imagine. I always wanted to win, but hye, I learnt my lesson. Today, I am happier, rather independent, and I feel everyday is beautiful. HEHE, I don't complain much about anything anymore, I just live by peace. And honestly, 

for being arrogant because I found what I want in life today. Good family, loving friends, happy live. What else do I need. See, that tragic end, was like a bad shit that got away. Isn't that great? The feeling of waking up every morning knowing that there are people who love you. My God, it's so beautiful. I'm glad I got arrogant, got down, today I'm up, happy & blessed. Thank you. That's the spirit! go go girl power! Be afraid of no mistakes!Oh did I mention, that's the good side of being arrogant! LOL. 

This is for you.

   I am not gonna care if you're gonna get angry looking at this. Am not gonna insult you or what. Thank you so much for putting me through all this. Leaving me helpless when you know I needed you the most. Breaking every single promises you gave me. No, it's not entirely your fault. It was mine too but I am glad I did not turn to another person when I was with you. Because I just know it would hurt you, maybe not? I don't know. Each time you tell me, it's your fault, 'I will face it like a man'. I don't know how manly you were. A man solves it, not run away from it. No matter how positive I try to be, I end up falling back but, I am glad I am able to stand up again. It's funny how, people you say you miss me when you don't feel the love anymore. Calling me with all those names that you were not suppose to call. I am not angry with you, but me. It's so hard to watch good romantic movie, go and sit at Tanjung. It brings back all sorts of memories. Here you junks are up beside my bed. I've deleted your number, kept you aside but reality is reality, I gotta face it alone. I am not gonna go around spread things bout you, cause I am not gonna gain a shit by doing so. Revenge is never gonna solve things.  Sooner or later, hopefully I will forget you eventually. Thanks for everything. All the best. 

An unexpected journey of life :)

  No, no I am not old enough to talk about life, but young enough to tell what I have gone through & how positively I made those bitter days into a beginning of my whole new life :) This is the ugly truth that most of us may have gone through or maybe not?

  'Keep the school torch burning, Through the days of learning, One in spirit One in heart in the CONVENT school'. Every day of my whole 11 years in Convent Muar, I sang my school song every Monday. Convent, Muar have been my Alma matter, my second home :) Dad use to bring me there since I was a little girl & till yesterday I last step into my school compound.

   There was just a flash of memories. It wasn't a good one, but the other way round. Yes I remember creating havoc, fun days with my 4 best friends :) Being famous among the teachers & workers as anak 'Cikgu Anba'. Nah, that really didn't really make me proud although it was a supreme feeling knowing your dad had done much to the school & everyone knows him as the Best Teacher or a teacher who had touch many life :) It was pressuring because I have to bring my father's name, so there I was as innocent as a lamb. Trying very hard to score so well in exam just because I am 'Mr.Anba's daugter' :) It was a tough job but it did brought me up into an unexpected journey of school life :)

   I was just 'a good' girl to every teacher until I entered Interact during 2010. :) No, no, I never had any discipline problem or got any demerit. Well, racism overrules here. Racism doesn't only mean as in race but as in student's mentality too. I guess this is a normal trend in every school. Like it or not, this is the real life of school.

   Back to my story, my Koko teacher was fine with me till I got involved in Installation Day. Well she do hate Interactors especially those who are so into the club, like me. You see, I was the secretory for the Installation day. So it was my job to get the principle to approve our activity. So instead of going through the Koko teacher, I went and convince the principle to allow us to have the installation. Well I don't think is wrong :) It was the right thing. My Koko teacher of course was angry because she couldn't stop us from carrying out the Installation.

    So, the whole racism battle begins here. I was elected as the President of Interact Club of Convent, Muar. But of course the teacher didn't like it because she hated me. To be honest, most school teacher don't pick student out of their ability but FAVORITISM. So she instructed my seniors & my club teacher to give me the lowest position in the club and put two of her followers as the president & vice. But somehow rather our seniors went against her & fought for me and I ended up being the Vice :)

   After all that teachers begin to make up stories about me. That's when my dad went & question every single teacher. And guess what? they blame each other :) Dramatic I guess? I was elected as temporary Assistant Head Prefect 2 and then 1 and for 4 months. But some teachers never liked me, so this is what she did, talk about me in the meeting saying 'I can't' and they place me to be a dumb Exco Sebaran Am.

   I told the teacher I want to resign & the convince me telling that the post I was given as was a very important job in the whole prefect-orial board as I am the one who will collect money and type all sorts of letters. Well, I wasn't dumb of course. I told her back this 'If I was suppose to collect money & write official letters, then what is the point of having a Treasurer or a Secretory? I know my job is only to buy cake every month & I guess you should bubarkan this post' & of course my teacher never manage to answer me back and to my surprise the post 'Exco Sebaran Am' was demolished right after I left school. LOL.

   So life goes on, I never bertugas, well it didn't matter. Why should I be the donkey. Life goes on, nobody ever scolded me for being a lazy prefect. When I did so hard what did I get in return? A cake buyer? So I bought secret recipe once a while just to poke my teacher. It was bad of course but well, we payed RM10 for the cake okay?

    In prefect meeting, teachers & other AJK talk bad about me & made up stories about me having 'masalah keluarga'. So, some AJK came and told me because they know I was never at fault. They next day I confront the teacher. AAhhh, the teacher denied and she blame the assistant head prefect who said it. Then my the discipline teacher, a ustazah told me, 'awak dah lama jadi pengawasdan tak pernah ada record buruk kenapa sekarang nak cari masalah?' I laughed and asked her back, 'dari form 1 sampai form 5 saya pengawas. Kenapa sekrang baru nak beri saya masalah'. Guess what, the teacher couldn't answer me back.

   They sabotage me from everything, making my life miserable. I was hated by many teacher for no reason. the teacher who was so good to me never look to me after that. So they made me hated them. I remember going home every night and day crying because I had to go tru all this. Imagine you can't study because of the damage & pressure they gave till this song became my school life lyrics 'WELCOME TO MY LIFE'. It was really depressing, being hated for no reason. Being kicked out of English fest just because you hate me. But it's funny how after every damage these people can still can call me, or my dad for help. -.-

   Being the edge of breaking down brought me down a lot especially in my education. But this did not stop me. Form 6 changed me :) Within 2 weeks of enrolling into High School Muar, I was called to enter Bahas Ala Parlimen  (debate) for state level. Without any much practice and all, I went for the competition, little did I know, we won till the final & the best thing of all this negativity is I was named as the 'BEST DEBATER" for twice in a row :) That day I became an instant star.  An Indian girl who never experienced all this became the best debater. It was really a proud moment especially when the principle came to me and congrats me. At first I didn't want to enter debate but mum & dad told me, 'You should enter & win. Prove to Convent teachers you can be the best' :) & I did.

   Today I won the Public Speaking competition without any practice & mum proudly told Convent principle & English head panel 'Not only my sons are good in public speaking but my daughter was also the champion for her school'. And that did shut their close mentality up.

   Please, you guys are teachers. You shouldn't be racist in every aspect towards a student. Just because one teacher didn't like me, doesn't mean you  guys should indulge yourself into gossips. You may never know how the student would feel unless your kids have to go through all this. Teachers are suppose to help the students & not to be RACIST in every way. You guys are the reason many students are rebellious & hated each other because you taught them what is FAVORITISM, what is the impact of not being in the first class. Please stop all this. 


   

Excitement overload.

Finally, we're going to practice our BollyBhangara dance tomorrow. It's a major surprise for my BIG BABY; patti's 80* birthday party :) My grandma has given me more than I want, molding me into who I am today. So I decided to dance to surprise her.

She better love it, HAHA I know she hates Bollywood because my Hindi is improving & TAMIL, it stays very bad. She is going to be annoyed but I am gonna make her say BOLLYWOOD is cool :D HEEEE <3

My costume is otw :) & I am excited. 

Oh yes I can

  Oh yes I can. :) A simply motto yet it comes with a strong meaning & impact of course. Yes, back then I was always emo & emo & emo. Oh crap, but come to think about it, all those tears I wasted, all those hours & tissues I wasted, Oh God, the tissue company did earn much from me, and poor trees got cut to manufacture more & more tissues. Ah crap.

    Yes there was time I was really down & all. I kept complaining & cry & cry & cry. But there's this two girl, one who have never met me & the other my BEST BUDDY, all their talks & motivation brought me up again :D I am standing tall now thanks to the duo.

My pretty best friend :) I love her endlessly.

Through this whole breaking down experience I learnt a lot, how to forgive & forget. I never knew Forgiving & Forgetting is just the best remedy. I did able to move on & LOL more than usual. Making new friends losing shittys and ll. But what matter most is I am happy & so are they. 

It's really tough when you'd a bunch of backstabbing friends, but it's really nice to know I found who are my true friends. :) It may be a small group but when I need them they are going to be right there for me.

In fact, I became even closer to my family members :) Things which I have never done. I am getting closer to him too, I guess. :) And all this little things makes me more than happy & most of all, I stop blaming God but start thanking God. :)

I wasn't really a holy girl & all but today I am an ardent believer of God & everyday I thank Him for every moment of my life :) 

To all those heart broken, :) you never should give up :) Yes being strong is tough but if you'd not give a try, you wouldn't know how the future is :) Adios. 

A note for you.

Hye? I wanna tell so much things, but I just don't know where to begin, how to begin & all. As much as you are fed-up of me, I'm fed-up of crying everyday. As much as you're having fun now, I also want to have fun. I know I've done mistakes & lately was so into my problems. I'm sorry. I just couldn't be perfect. I am trying every now and then. It's so clueless. It's so hard to face the fact you've dumped me & do what you did. Sometimes the ignorance you gave hurts more. It's hurts when you say your love faded away. I'm sorry. I didn't try my best to be the best for you. Sometimes, I just don't get it, why I'm not over the blues. I realized that you're no longer mine. There won't be a second chance & that you're gone forever. But the memories, keep hunting. I just couldn't forget every single words you say to me, how we joke around till late nights & the stupid arguments. You changed so did I. I accepted the fact you're the new you. I adapted to it. Sometimes, I hurt you by my words & you hurt me by actions. I'm sorry. I know, I sound stupid, desperate and all, but yeah, I truly love you & that's why I am being so. It's not easy to just sweep in with any other guys. I'm still changing & hoping for miracle. I couldn't care less anymore, because I honestly love you. The worst feeling in the world is when you can’t love anyone else, because your heart still belongs to the one who broke it.  

Will there be another chance? To get things right? Will there still be hope? :C Will there still be love in you? I'll wait.

Miss You

3rd day since i torture myself not to text you. 8 days since we broke up. 192 hours since I missed you.

It's just so hard to be here thinking why & why. Moonu is up tonight. & Gosh seeing the name Moonu itself makes me want to break down :(

It's really hard to go through this. I'm trying my best to be happy but you just keep running into my mind.

It's really hard to forget all this shits & Idk.

Ilovethepain

It's good to know that happiness are just bullshit. So is happy ending. What's the point of living when you know you are about to loose your life? :/ I am like n a puzzle. You love me or not :/ It's freaking my head out. Idk what have I done till I don't deserve a shit in life.

Was it nice the feeling? :) Seeing me hurt! Seeing me crying every night! And you're having fun up and down ? :) When I ask, you will say 'you don't deserve me. It's better we break u & blablabal' Then what's the point I'm being sincere to you for months? Being honest to you. Giving you my whole heart. Perhaps to some idiots, it's very easy to replace him. HAHA Well you're one of the idiots. If you had understand what love really means, there's no way you could find replacement even thought of replacement. 

I just hate you for everything but bullhit of me for still loving you.

This pain is really enjoyable! i mean it's funny and interesting! How he can go on acting like love me but... You'll understand when karma taps you ass :)

When your heart gets broken!

What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them :/ Standing right beside her when she need me most :'( Baby, I miss you daa :'( This dead-alive relationship is killing me daa :'( It just doesn't feel the same anymore. It feel like we are two different strangers :( What is wrong bie? :( Is it me? I am sorry :( I really have tried to be perfect for you but I just fail to do so :'( I really want you back :'( I am going crazy w/o you everyday :'( It hurts so much :'( What have I done till  deserve all this? :'( Why are you avoiding me? Why daa :'( 3 weeks you are making me in a weak state :'( I barely know myself :'( The happier me :'( Today i am just a shit who cries every minute :'( It's not fair for you to go  and have fun but leaving me dead :'( I cannot take this anymore :'( I wish I had never born :/ It's a fucking feeling :'( To see you going away from me slowly :'( Each time you say you need time it the same as you are leaving me slowly :'( I can't go tru all this alone daa :'( I cannot. It kills me :/ All I could do is blame God :/ Why must HE take you away from me :'( False hopes & all :'( It hurts deeply :/ Fuck my life :'( Why can't HE give me a happy life? :'( Don't I deserve to be happy too at least once in life? I give up in life :'( I really do :'(